Personal Worth: The Value of Character and Service
I believe that many young women today judge themselves harshly and try to live up to impossible standards and insignificant ideals. The continued fascination with irresponsible celebrities has created a vast vacuum of stable, reliable and worthy role models to set an example for my generation and the ones following. In imitation of these empty icons, too many girls subject themselves to such superficial, fleeting, and false standards of worth as appearance, clothing, and boyfriends rather than finding a sense of personal worth in developing their character and in reaching out to other people. It is in the things that we do for others that we should find our worth, not only in giving, but also in serving. Self-esteem should not come from attractiveness, money, popularity, or clothing, but from character, kindness, compassion and service to others. I would like to motivate young women to find joy and self-esteem in this way.
While I was in high school, I worked with my older brother, who was in college, to develop a two-part program to reach out to teens and help them make wise decisions based on respect for themselves and others. We gave presentations in junior and senior high schools in three counties and learned a great deal about the youth of today and their values as we interacted with them. During this time, I was teaching dance at a local studio as well as dancing at two studios, which afforded me extensive exposure to girls of all ages. In the dressing rooms and in the chatter on the dance floor, the talk focused all too often on what “hot guy” was interested in what girl. It was here that I first observed young women actually judging themselves and others on the basis of what male attention they could get rather than on their own accomplishments. Even secondary affirmation came not from achievement, but from how they felt about their appearance or possessions --weight loss, hair style or the latest clothing. Over the years I have watched these girls, even some close friends, sacrifice their own ideals, values and beliefs for the validation of their peers. When I look at my own life and what has brought me the greatest satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment, it hasn’t been my looks or my clothes. There is always someone better looking, thinner, wealthier, or better dressed. Nothing can top the feeling that comes from doing something that makes a difference in another’s life. The feeling I got when I read a feed-back sheet that said “thank you, you helped me make the right decision” or “you have helped me have the courage to do what I knew was right.” Another example being a young mother whose children I watched while she worked came home to a clean, neat house and clean, peacefully sleeping children and told me she didn’t know what she would do without me. You don’t need to be rich or beautiful to be invaluable to someone; you simply have to be willing.
Sadly, as an RA at a state university and a small private college, I have witnessed first hand how seemingly stable, well-adjusted and goal-oriented young women have been pushed off track because of the constant, relentless barrage of frivolous messages promising happiness from a possession, a chemical, or a thrill. Rather than finding worth from holding fast to their standards and beliefs, they are trying to find it through the superficial validation of others. In pursuit of peer approval, they abandon what they desire for their own lives. Too many come to school as students with dreams and aspirations which are swept away in an alcoholic haze of underage drinking. Many don’t really want to drink at all, but they drink to get attention, to fit in, to be cool, in imitation of the “role models” presented by the media.
During college I worked as a volunteer for a program which sought to help teen girls make wise life choices and build self-esteem and character. I served as a liaison between the mentors and the teens and saw the dramatic difference in the reception I received as a college student encouraging them to re-evaluate their standards and the reception given to the dedicated older married women mentors.
As a college graduate, I have begun to implement a program in local schools that focuses on building character through service to others. I would like to use my position as Miss New York and eventually Miss America to reach out to young women and connect them with mentors who would train them to mentor others and offer them opportunities to serve others in their community as well, stressing service to others and good character as the basis of a strong foundation for a successful life. Emphasizing self-worth through service does not negate the importance of an attractive appearance and presenting oneself to the best advantage. On the contrary, the program includes guidance in these areas as well, seeking to develop young women of character with a positive self-image and appropriate self-confidence who will have a positive influence on their communities throughout their lives.
